In light of the shit show of unprecedented proportions that is academia at the present moment, post-ac coach Kel Weinhold and I have launched a a new 12 part series on leaving academia called, Twelve Steps To A New Job.
Welcome back to our 12 Steps to a New Job series, where we use the 12-Step model (completely secularized, we promise) to guide you through leaving academia.
I’m Kel Weinhold, productivity coach for The Professor Is In. I work with postdocs and academics at every stage of transition, and if you’re interested in talking through your options with me, you can always reach me at postac@theprofessorisin.com.
And, of course, each week on our free webinar, I’m joined by Dr. Karen Kelsky, founder of The Professor Is In and The Professor Is Out, who’s been helping academics both stay in and get out since 2011.
Below is the synopsis!
“Breaking the silence about what’s happened to you in academia is the first step toward reclaiming your power.”
We are continuing our ongoing series on the 12 Steps of Leaving Academia. We’re on Step 5, and as always, we’re reshaping the original AA-inspired steps to guide you out of academia, or to help you create a healthier relationship with it because let’s be honest, staying in can feel a lot like an addiction.
A Quick Recap of Step 4
Last week, we tackled Step 4: Taking a Fearless Professional Inventory. You identified harmful patterns, unrealistic expectations, and internalized beliefs that academia planted in you. That work was hard and necessary.
Now, Step 5 builds on that inventory. In the original AA version, Step 5 reads:
“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
We are rewriting that to say:
Admit what you’ve endured, and how you survived.
This is not about confessing wrongdoing. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is about:
- Naming the harms you’ve experienced.
- Acknowledging your survival strategies.
- Breaking the silence about the reality of academic life.
Why This Step Matters
Academic systems rely on secrecy and shame. Those forces keep you isolated and powerless. They keep you from telling the truth, even to yourself, about how you’ve been exploited, bullied, or gaslit.
And while it’s easy to rant about “toxic academia” in broad strokes, what’s harder (and more healing) is naming the specific harms you’ve internalized and the strategies you’ve used to cope. That’s what this step is about.
How Academia Keeps You Silent
- Unrealistic expectations: Publish everything, teach like a rock star, mentor endlessly, serve on every committee.
- Isolation: Academia loves to make your struggles “your fault.”
- Professionalism myths: Don’t talk about family demands. Don’t admit burnout. Don’t reveal struggle. (Spoiler: “Professionalism” is capitalism and white supremacy at work.)
Result? You hide. You hide that you’re barely hanging on. You hide that you don’t understand a theory. You hide that your family is in crisis. You even hide that you’re thinking about leaving.
Sound familiar?
Breaking the Shame-Secrecy Cycle
Shame thrives in silence. Speaking your truth, even to one safe person, breaks its grip.
This step asks you to:
- Admit the harms you faced.
- Where were you exploited or gaslit?
- What expectations were flat-out unrealistic?
- Name your survival strategies.
- Over-functioning.
- Staying silent.
- Shrinking yourself to “fit.”
- Working harder and harder.
These strategies got you through. They were acts of resilience. But they also cost you—emotionally, physically, relationally.
- Tell someone safe.
This is critical. Not a venting session (which keeps you stuck), but an intentional act of naming your truth to someone who will validate it. That might be:- A therapist.
- A trusted friend outside your department.
- A support group.
Not your department chair. Not the hyper-competitive colleague. Choose wisely.
Why This Is So Powerful
When you tell your truth out loud:
- You realize you’re not alone.
- You reclaim agency.
- You start to move beyond blame (of self or others) and into action.
As one participant said:
“I realized I’m barely hanging on. And if I disappear, no one will even know why.”
When you speak that truth, the shame loses its grip.
A Word on Compassion
Please read this twice:
You did nothing wrong.
Everything you did to survive was part of your journey. Greet this reflection with compassion, not correction.
When you know better, you do better. This is not punishment. It’s mutual aid. It’s care for your future self.
What Comes Next
This step is the turning point. It shifts you from “Academia did this to me” to “I see the role I played—and now I have agency.”
Because here’s the truth:
If you don’t do this work, you will carry these patterns into your next job.
If you do, you can start telling a new story, one where you set boundaries, reclaim your power, and decide whether to stay or leave from a place of clarity.
And yes, sometimes people discover they can stay.
Other times, they decide to go.
Either way, you’ve stopped letting shame and silence run the show.
Your Turn:
- What’s one thing you’ve struggled with but kept hidden?
- Who could you tell, safely, this week?
Drop your thoughts in the comments—or just take a minute to journal. And remember: you’re not alone.
My employer is always using the term “conspicuous excellence” to describe what we need to do. I’ve been at this job for 18+ years and I’ve yet to have this defined.
haha, right?